An oldie but a goodie

These three strings are walking along, dying of thirst in the middle of Death Valley. After a long, long trek. They come to a bar. “Boy, this is just in time…I can’t go any farther.” So he walks into the bar and orders a drink. “Can’t you read the sign there? We don’t serve no strings here” bellows the bartender. “But I’m going to die of thirst!” protests the string. With that the bartender picks him up, and throws him out into the street. One of his buddies says “I’ll disguise myself as a rope and go in to get us a drink.” So, in he goes. “Hey, I thought I told your friend that we don’t serve your kind here. Now get out that door before I stomp on you!” So he quickly retreats out the door. Finally the last string says “Hey, I’ve got an idea…I’ll tie myself up like a pretzel, and frizzle out my ends, so he won’t recognize me.” So in he goes into the bar. He gets up to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender eyes him a little susspiciously. “Hey, aren’t you one of those strings I told to get out of here?” To which the string answered “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial. However, from the jail he was able to secretly contact his followers to arrange to escape, meet his followers, and attack the king’s palace at night. So the night before his scheduled execution, the general managed to escape from prison. He fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away, where his followers would meet him. However, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn’t sure if his cohorts would find the right ziggurat. By this time it was twilight, so he lit a small fire and sent smoke signals to indicate in which structure he was hiding. However, the king’s loyal soldiers saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and came to arrest him before he could meet his followers. He was executed later that day. The moral of the story? Warning: The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.

There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home. Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe’s elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within traditional guidelines. After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne. When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call in an engineer to solve the problem. Soon, the king’s tiny hut was rigged with an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys. He could lower the huge throne for use during the day, and at night, he could haul the throne up, and lower his bed. This was truly the best of both worlds for the king. Unfortunately, after a few months of constant use the roopes frayed, and one night, the throne slipped and came crashing down on the king, killing him. The wise men of the island recognized a lesson in this experience and added to the lore of their people this statement: “People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones.”

More updates when things slow down . . .

These two potatoes get married, and have a new potato. The new potato grows up, goes to college comes home and announces “I’m getting married!”
Momma potato says, “that’s wonderful, honey! Who’s the lucky boy?” The new potato replies, “I’m marrying Dan Rather!”
The father almost blows a gasket. “By God, No! You are not marrying Dan Rather!!!”
The new potato bursts out crying, and says “Why not??”
Papa potato says…………. “because he’s a common ’tater”

Today’s groan courtesy of Kelly Dean.