Well we transferred Helsa from the hospital to her regular vet today. She was perfectly behaved the entire way over and she acted very normal. The vet said they’ll probably leave her on IV the rest of today, but they’re going to keep feeding her with a syringe (as opposed to a feeding tube) and if she keeps it down then she might be able to come home as soon as tomorrow or Wednesday! I couldn’t be happier. Thank you to everyone who sent kind words of support.

This had me rolling:

Dear Mr. Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of
what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don’t have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don’t bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of
the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers.
Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor’s house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the
75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for
construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of
later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can’t happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I’ve given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can’t handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

Last night got started late, and went even later. We got to watch one of my all-time favorite movies, Zoolander. I think it’s a very underappreciated film, as it works on a lot of levels and people are apt to dismiss it as a shallow movie without giving it a chance. The DVD had some neat features too that I think made it worth it. Which brings me to the question of the day: Does anyone ever watch the director’s commentary?

Well I’ve got to go get ready for the HPUG meeting today, and also I’ve got to try to fix my Dad’s m505 which is currently sufferinf from Sudden USB Death Syndrome. The battery has been draining all night so it should be good to go now.

Out of the blue, my Mom asked me what was that strange mark on my neck, and I had no clue. A quick trip to the mirror revealed what looks like a large bite right on my adam’s apple, which is quite conspicious. Mom examined it, and said it looked like a spider bite or something similar. Great. Is this sweet revenge on the part of spiders? When did this spider bite me? Why didn’t I notice? Will it make me buff? So many unanswered questions.

Right now I’m sitting on the floor, and the cat is in my chair. Is there something wrong with this situation? Sadly, no. For those of you unacquainted with my cat, she is a delightful creature who is at once an ideal companion, playmate, and friend. She came to our house through my neighbor of three doors down, Brooke. I was at their house a lot, practicing lacrosse with Brooke’s older brother and generally just hanging. They had Helsa at the time, when her name was still “Mittens” and Brooke would attempt to dress her up in doll’s clothes. She wasn’t in any way malicious, I just think she was a little too proactive owner for Mittens’ taste. The cat was chiefly outdoors, and spent a lot of time around my house for whatever reason, and my Mom took a liking to her and started putting water and such on the porch. Eventually I ended up having to carry her back to Brooke’s house, and she would squirm the whole time and vocalize her objections.

After no more than a week or two of this, Brooke’s mom, whose name escapes me, brought Helsa over to our house and said we should keep her. Everyone was ecstatic except for my sister, who is convinced Helsa has a grudge against her. The first thing we did was give her a name better suited to her personality and came up with Helsa Poppins. (You get points if you know what that means.) She seemed to be in all places at once, and befriended every member of the family, except my aforementioned sister, who coincidently had her own cat at the time, Lolli, who could safely be described as anti-social. Helsa had never been a skinny cat, and her weight grew in her new home, which I attribute to the way she would play the members of the household against each other feeding her, much the way a child might go from parent to parent until their wants were completely satisfied.

Fast-forward to 2003: Helsa has consistently ranked in my favorite females list for many years now, and our relationship has grown comfortable. She doesn’t care for saxophone practicing, I could do without the shedding, but there’s an understanding. This year especially it seems that she had grown very close to my Mother, and they had become close companions, spending the majority of every day within five feet of each other. The time I see her the most, however, is when I’m sick. Sometimes it’s even an early warning, where Helsa will begin sleeping in my bed and I’ll come down within a day. It’s one of the sweetest things I can imagine, because when I’m really ill she literally never leaves my side.

About two weeks ago, Helsa began to lose weight. This struck everyone, and after several days it became apparent that she wasn’t eating like she used to. Within the next week, she stopped eating almost entirely. Every possible combination of cat food, cat treat, baby food, fish, chicken has been tried, with at best meager results. For lack of a better term, she seems uninterested in food. She has eaten several times, but thrown up shortly afterward; liquids seem best. Now she is acting lethargic, not really moving much, but her mobility does not seem impaired in any way, just her motivation. The past three days, she has been spending almost all her time in my room. I want to be able to give her the kind of support she has given me so many times, but I just don’t know what to do.

Update: She just at an entire meal of—get this—cat food, and is starting to act normally again. Thank you all for your concerns.